Lock up Your Dogs

The other day, I was driving back from the store, and I saw a guy in his driveway trying to separate a couple of playing dogs. One of the dogs was a sort of white-and-gold colored one, and the other: holy shit, was that Stella?

What the hell was my shaggy black bitch doing out of the house and playing around with a random dog several doors down? I slowed down to get a good look at the situation, and since I am near-sighted, I had to squint at the dogs as I cruised by at a creep. It turns out it wasn't Stella, but actually another black dog which, in the final analysis, didn't look much like her at all. It was just another gift given to me by my poor vision, like when I see a business sign that reads, "Shelly's Lock and Bolt" but I think it reads, "Shelly Licks Cock." When you are near-sighted, every street-sign is a look into a parallel universe.

I sped up and pulled into my own driveway, went inside, and pet my own dog, then started wondering what that little situation had looked like from the perspective of the man trying to separate his dogs. He had seen a random car slow down to a crawl while the driver squinted up his eyes and stared intensely at his two harmless, fun-loving dogs, probably with the intention of coming back later and molesting them. Yep, I'm pretty sure that at least one of my neighbors now considers me a potential dog-rapist.

Every week I add another neighbor to the list of people I can't make eye contact with.