Friday, January 29, 2010
Valentine's E-Cards
Here are some designs I created last year. Feel free to snag them and send them to your favorite people this V-Day.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
TEXT CHAT: Eagle
As Jill's son safely returned home from a long walk.
---
JILL: The eagle has landed.
ME: Nanda went to the moon?
---
JILL: The eagle has landed.
ME: Nanda went to the moon?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
DEADWALL #39
Don't be afraid to click on that image to embiggen.It's #39 because I used to post it over here (the last comic I posted there is maybe the worst one of the series, so be warned) a while ago. But now I'm doing new ones and putting them here, which is really where anything I do belongs. So there.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
THE GIANT MONSTER ATTACKS! by Billy Langdon
It was a normal morning in America, and a normal boy named Willy was sitting at his desk in school when all of a sudden CRASH! A huge giant monster attacked the school! There was a big hole in the wall where the monster's foot came through.
"It's a giant monster!" screamed Willy's teacher, an old woman who didn't give Willy very good grades, especially when he wrote stories. "Look out kids! He might step on--"
And then without warning the monster stepped on the teacher, and she went SQUISH and never gave Willy a bad grade ever again. The other kids were running around screaming and freaking out, but Willy knew how to handle giant monsters because he watched Godzilla movies all the time.
Willy jumped up. "I need to go to Japan and get another giant monster to fight this one! It's the ONLY way to defeat it!" Outside, the Army was shooting tank bullets at the monster, but they were just bouncing off of it as the monster stepped on buildings.
"GRAAAARRGGGHH!" said the monster.
"Oh, no!" said the General. "The monster just stepped on the museum, and the dentist's office, and some other lousy places! We have to kill it before it smashes up a cool place like the comics shop or the pizza place!"
Willy ran up to the General. "I'm Willy!" he said. "I write awesome stories and I know all sorts of stuff about monsters! Also, I know way more about sex than my teachers think, such as that sometimes women like it when guys put their wieners in their mouths! I saw it in a magazine that my dad hides in the back of the closet!"
"Ahh, the famous Willy! Yes, it is true that men and women do that all the time when they make babies. You're a very smart and advanced young man. But how do we kill this monster! It's stepping on people!"
By this time, the monster had stepped on the mailman (the same one who brought home notes from Willy's teachers and his report cards and stuff) and also the mean lady who wouldn't let Willy play with his cars in the library which is a place that the monster also smashed up.
Willy told the General all about how he had to go to Japan, and also that he saw some Japan women doing some really weird stuff on dad's computer once, which he's not supposed to get on but his dad never puts any sort of password lock on it. "Japan women indeed like weird stuff," agreed the General, and then he called for an airplane, and it landed and Willy got on it, and the giant monster tried to smack it out of the sky but the pilot flew out of the way of the monster's arms and WHOOSH they flew off to Japan, which is a small island that America dropped A-bombs on once but we're all good friends now.
Willy wondered if there would be women all over the place doing weird stuff, because he wasn't sure how you were supposed to react when that was happening everwhere. But as it turned out, they did all of that stuff behind curtains where Willy wasn't allowed to go, and so he concentrated on tracking down the other giant monsters.
And he found a giant monster that was like a giant grab with a bear's head and, like, octopus tentacles, and Willy played a magical flute and the crab-bear totally followed them all the way back to America.
"GROOOWLLL!" said the bear-crab.
"ROOAAARRGGHH!" said the original giant monster.
The fought, back and forth, and stepped on that one kid that made Willy cry at the playground, and smashed up Willy's dad's lawyer's office where nobody ever has any fun and every other place that doesn't like it when kids run or sing songs or dance when people are eating dinner.
Finally, the giant crab-bear took one of its huge crab-claws and snipped off the other giant monster's head! Blood went WHOOSH out of the giant monster's head and splashed all over the place like a flood!
"Gross!" said the General.
Willy played the magical flute again, and the crab-bear went in to the sea to go back to Japan. Everybody went "Hurray!" and then they made Willy the Hero of the Town Forever.
The End
Written by Billy Langdon
Mrs. Beecher's class
Fifth grade
"It's a giant monster!" screamed Willy's teacher, an old woman who didn't give Willy very good grades, especially when he wrote stories. "Look out kids! He might step on--"
And then without warning the monster stepped on the teacher, and she went SQUISH and never gave Willy a bad grade ever again. The other kids were running around screaming and freaking out, but Willy knew how to handle giant monsters because he watched Godzilla movies all the time.
Willy jumped up. "I need to go to Japan and get another giant monster to fight this one! It's the ONLY way to defeat it!" Outside, the Army was shooting tank bullets at the monster, but they were just bouncing off of it as the monster stepped on buildings.
"GRAAAARRGGGHH!" said the monster.
"Oh, no!" said the General. "The monster just stepped on the museum, and the dentist's office, and some other lousy places! We have to kill it before it smashes up a cool place like the comics shop or the pizza place!"
Willy ran up to the General. "I'm Willy!" he said. "I write awesome stories and I know all sorts of stuff about monsters! Also, I know way more about sex than my teachers think, such as that sometimes women like it when guys put their wieners in their mouths! I saw it in a magazine that my dad hides in the back of the closet!"
"Ahh, the famous Willy! Yes, it is true that men and women do that all the time when they make babies. You're a very smart and advanced young man. But how do we kill this monster! It's stepping on people!"
By this time, the monster had stepped on the mailman (the same one who brought home notes from Willy's teachers and his report cards and stuff) and also the mean lady who wouldn't let Willy play with his cars in the library which is a place that the monster also smashed up.
Willy told the General all about how he had to go to Japan, and also that he saw some Japan women doing some really weird stuff on dad's computer once, which he's not supposed to get on but his dad never puts any sort of password lock on it. "Japan women indeed like weird stuff," agreed the General, and then he called for an airplane, and it landed and Willy got on it, and the giant monster tried to smack it out of the sky but the pilot flew out of the way of the monster's arms and WHOOSH they flew off to Japan, which is a small island that America dropped A-bombs on once but we're all good friends now.
Willy wondered if there would be women all over the place doing weird stuff, because he wasn't sure how you were supposed to react when that was happening everwhere. But as it turned out, they did all of that stuff behind curtains where Willy wasn't allowed to go, and so he concentrated on tracking down the other giant monsters.
And he found a giant monster that was like a giant grab with a bear's head and, like, octopus tentacles, and Willy played a magical flute and the crab-bear totally followed them all the way back to America.
"GROOOWLLL!" said the bear-crab.
"ROOAAARRGGHH!" said the original giant monster.
The fought, back and forth, and stepped on that one kid that made Willy cry at the playground, and smashed up Willy's dad's lawyer's office where nobody ever has any fun and every other place that doesn't like it when kids run or sing songs or dance when people are eating dinner.
Finally, the giant crab-bear took one of its huge crab-claws and snipped off the other giant monster's head! Blood went WHOOSH out of the giant monster's head and splashed all over the place like a flood!
"Gross!" said the General.
Willy played the magical flute again, and the crab-bear went in to the sea to go back to Japan. Everybody went "Hurray!" and then they made Willy the Hero of the Town Forever.
The End
Written by Billy Langdon
Mrs. Beecher's class
Fifth grade
Monday, January 4, 2010
How I'm Feeling
So as not to repeat myself, whenever somebody asks me how I'm feeling in the real world, I shall refer them to this post.
--
Eh, not bad, although I have this cold that won't go away. But I'm generally stronger and possess more stamina now.
Yes, I'm taking my medication regularly.
No, the doctors haven't told me the results of that last ultrasound.
No, I don't have an appointment for a check-up.
Yes, I said I was taking it, didn't I?
(At this point one of us will make an irreverent joke about me dying, and we'll both laugh as if it is funny.)
Yes, I got the bill the other day. Yes, it's exorbitant.
Yes, I swear, I'm feeling much better. Except for the cold. There is no earthly reason for me to lie about that.
Okay.
I'm glad I didn't die also.
--
Eh, not bad, although I have this cold that won't go away. But I'm generally stronger and possess more stamina now.
Yes, I'm taking my medication regularly.
No, the doctors haven't told me the results of that last ultrasound.
No, I don't have an appointment for a check-up.
Yes, I said I was taking it, didn't I?
(At this point one of us will make an irreverent joke about me dying, and we'll both laugh as if it is funny.)
Yes, I got the bill the other day. Yes, it's exorbitant.
Yes, I swear, I'm feeling much better. Except for the cold. There is no earthly reason for me to lie about that.
Okay.
I'm glad I didn't die also.
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