Verbing the Stars

Some people have names that really lend themselves to "verbing", that peculiar linguistic phenomenon that causes nouns to become verbs. Examples: Xerox, Google, spam.

The first celebrity name that I personally verbed was Jackie Chan. As used in a sentence: "You'd better watch your mouth, or I will take this step-stool and Jackie Chan all over you." Or if you're about to perform a feat of impressive agility: "Maybe I'll just Jackie Chan up this trellis and go in through your sister's window."

I'm not going to claim that I'm the first person to verb Jackie Chan's name, but the first time I ever heard it was out of my own mouth, so I'm afraid that's the only evidence I have to go by.

Recently, I posted a message on Twitter where I accused somebody of "Glenn Beck[ing] my tweets". To Glenn Beck something is to, of course, either accidentally or intentionally misinterpret it, then apocalyptically overreact. Example: "Whoa, dude, you're totally Glenn Becking that text! I said I'd be late, not that I wasn't coming!" Or, if you will: "The media has Glenn Becked the president's comments unfairly."

This doesn't work for every celebrity. For instance, "Keith Olbermanning" something doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it? Also, I'm not even sure what that would mean. But when it works, it works, and you can't imagine a world in which the new verb never existed.

Try it today, won't you?

Fussy Eater or Discerning Palate?

Lately, Jill's sister-in-law has accused me more than once of being a "fussy eater", simply because I don't like certain things. The same woman has two young children that are the very definition of "fussy eaters", by the way (as well as fussy sleepers, fussy television watchers, fussy ping-pong players...kids at that age are just friggin' fussy), so you'd think she'd understand the difference between somebody who is fussy and somebody who is 38 years old and just has a very clear idea of what he does and does not prefer to eat.

To my memory, the things I have expressed a lack of enthusiasm about eating in her presence are:

Pineapple
Ham
Certain vegetables (though not the usual suspects: I love broccoli and spinach, for instance)
A Hostess Zinger

Now, look. I'm almost 40, and I decided a long time ago that pineapple is fucking disgusting. And it is. I don't know how people eat this spiny cocoon of pure poison. I honestly don't. Also, a big-ass slice of ham makes me want to puke. Put the two together and you have an easy recipe for Kevin's Least Favorite Food.

I don't think my likes and dislikes are any more extreme than anybody else's. Jill's mother will only eat about three vegetables, but nobody's accused her of being a fussy eater. Jill has suffered this same accusation, which I think is mainly because she's a vegetarian; not eating meat for idealistic and/or religious reasons is not the same thing as being finicky.

I eat plenty of things that other people don't. I like jalapeno jelly. I eat the rind when somebody serves brie. I'm a fiend for Indian food, and the hotter the better. I finally gave sushi and sashimi a try a couple years ago, and what do you know? It wasn't bad (although I'm not going to eat sea urchin eggs or octopus; that's just nasty). I am the very definition of a non-fussy eater, because I'll give anything I haven't eaten the benefit of the doubt (except for the aforementioned octopus). Fussy eaters refuse to eat things because they don't like the way they look or smell; I don't eat things because of the way that they taste, which is the way it's supposed to work.

What I'm saying is, if you serve dinner to me and I don't dig into it with gusto, it's not because I'm a "fussy eater". It's because of one of the following two reasons: 1) you have prepared the meal with something I utterly despise, or 2) you're a terrible cook.

I don't believe either of those reasons denotes a character flaw on my part.

Boy, a Suicide Post Really Puts a Damper on a Blog, Doesn't It?

Well, I've been neglecting the fuck out of this blog. In my semi-defense, I have a job now, and at the end of the day I rarely have the energy for anything more creative than some mindless Twittering. My other couple blogs are similarly lying fallow, though I have managed to crank out a few Pop Ogre posts lately.

If anybody is still reading this thing, I promise I'll get something else up here soonish, just as soon as I figure out how to have a job and manage three blogs simultaneously.